Its been a long Winter...but Spring is HERE!

Its been a long winter in my heart and mind. With this journey of waiting in our adoption process, among many other things...My "long winter" started back in the end of October. We had been matched Sep. 20th and were anxiously awaiting our LOA (letter of approval) that would make it really official by China saying we could have Caleb. Our silent auction was coming up the first weekend of Nov. and I prayed and prayed for it to come by then. Surely God would answer yes to that prayer! But He did not. We were SO blessed by the generousity of our friends and family at our auction, surely we would get our LOA soon. The next "big" thing I had coming up was speaking at our church's women's lunch the week before Thanksgiving. I was speaking on our adoption journey, the waiting process, God's faithfulness. SURELY God would answer yes to receiving our LOA before then, so that I could stand up there and give Him all the glory. That is the way its supposed to work right?! It was just a couple of days before I was to speak, I was feeling really down. Why hadn't God answered? Why hadn't He come through the way He was "supposed" to? Also my mother-in-law had become very sick again and was in the hospital, she would not be there to hear me speak. I was disappointed.
As I prayed and cried out to God I realized He wanted me to speak about His faithfulness, even though He had not answered in the way I wanted Him to. He wanted me to give Him all the glory, even though it was hard and I didn't really feel like it. Our LOA was dated the Monday after I had spoken, but we didn't receive it until after Thanksgiving. It was certainly a test of my faith.
We quickly got our next set of paperwork done, for it only to sit for awhile, then it was the wrong paperwork, then the wrong amount of money, then had to wait a month longer for a separate approval. Dec. and Jan. felt REALLY long.
A few days before Christmas our world really changed. My mother-in-law went back into the hospital. Christmas Eve she went into ICU, never to really wake up again. She went home to be with Jesus on Jan. 4th. We couldn't believe she would not be here to see Caleb, whom she had been waiting to meet. Our lives and the lives of her grandchildren are not the same without her. Its still very hard.
Hopes of Feb. travel were dashed. Prayed for a miracle for March, but were still waiting on paperwork.
Finally on March 14th we got the call that our Article 5 had been issued on the 11th. Now to wait for travel approval. It could be another long couple of months. Kind of at the last minute my husband and I decided to go out of town one last time by ourselves as we had gift certificates that would expire the beginning of Dec. And we have no idea when we will be able to leave Caleb. So of course now we are so glad we went and had that opportunity.
Id didn't know how to pray. Of course I wanted to travel as soon as possible and I had been praying and had others pray that we would have Caleb by his birthday. But I wasn't sure how to pray for which son's birthday to miss, because our other son's birthday is at the end of April. I also very much wanted to travel with another family I had been in contact with, and they were still waiting on paperwork. I thanked God that He was the one to decide and not me. I prayed for strength to accept His will whatever it was.
Then the unbelievable happened as you can read in the previous post. My head is still spinning at the miracle! It is something only God could have done!
Each day I have had so much to do and I'm tired, which isn't a good way to start out this trip. I'm hoping to take things slower on Monday and Tuesday, we'll see.
I still can't believe its finally and actually happening!
In this journey of joy and sadness and waiting God has been there, even though at times I felt forgotten and He has been faithful in everything, each step of the way...
"Faithful" Chris Tomlin
Faithful, forever you are faithful, father to the fatherless.
You uphold the one who feels forsaken, you are faithful God.
Faithful, forever you are faithful, lover of the wounded heart
You defend the poor and the forgotten, you are faithful God.
And I will sing to the maker of heaven and earth
God, you reign forever and your love will endure
Faithful and true is the name of the Lord, you are faithful God.
Faithful, forever you are faithful,shelter for the fragile soul.
You lift us up, you hold us together, you are faithful God.
You are there, in every season of my soul
You are there, you're the anchor that will hold
You are there, in the valley of the shadows
You are faithful God.

We are going to China!

Havn't gotten to blog lately, as usual! So we got our travel approval on the 21st. Thought for sure we would find out the next morning if we would get to go in April or May. We were still in the mountains with no phone reception. I had not slept very well, so I got up and got ready and checked my e-mail, nothing...waited all day as we drove home to hear something. They hadn't heard back from the US consulate. So had to try and sleep another night, nothing the next morning either! It was driving me crazy~! Do I start getting ready or not?! Thursday morning came. I was very anxious. I stood by the phone and prayed at 8:20, then I got in the shower. A few minutes later, the kids start screaming outside the bathroom door saying that our social worker had called and had great news! I was shaking and crying and tried to quickly finish my shower. I thought for sure we would be going, but still tried to hold myself back a little in case there was a crushing blow. So I called her back and she said "Never say never for April!" I think I just kept saying "Oh my goodness!". So we were going to leave in 13 days. Now my head was spinning! We first called Rod and work, he was surprised and very excited. The kids took turns calling other family members. Then the craziness began. I didn't know where to start, everything became "urgent". So I made a list of things to do each day, to spread it out and break it up and make sense of the places I needed to go.
God performed a miracle! I will never take that for granted. I feel very humbled. There are others that should be going in this group too, but they still wait. Especially one family I was so looking forward to sharing this trip with. We had been matched the same day and had had similar delays over the past several months, we were each others daily cheerleaders. I'm still sad that I will probably not get to meet her this side of heaven...But as I have been learning in Isaiah God's ways and thoughts are so different than what we think should or shouldn't happen. I may never understand so many of the whys, but I know form the past, from His word, and many times in my life, that HE IS FAITHFUL!

TRAVEL APPROVAL!!!

The moment I have been waiting for! Its unbelievable!!! We got our Article 5 on the 11th. We were at the cabin the 11th-13th and found out about it on the 14th. I hadn't even posted about that. So Rod and I are out of town, in the mountains, no phone reception. I had told our SW we would be out of town because I was talking to her Friday about our travel visas. So we drove to another city this afternoon and I had phone reception and a message from our SW. I had even had my sister call and check our home phone messages this morning.
So they are trying to see if we can go with the group that is leaving April 5th or
6th. that is exciting and also freaks me out! It depends on if there are any US consulate appts. left. So we will find out first thing in the morning if we go in 2 weeks or 6 weeks, beginning of May. So please pray that I can sleep tonight!
I had actually been praying for this miracle. Be careful what you pray for! I even had a vivid dream about it last week. The reason I wanted to go the beginning of April is because I would be with both of my sons on each of their birthdays. Because i SO badly wanted Caleb home by his b-day on May 1st or at least be there. But then lately I felt like I couldn't pray about whose birthday I "wanted" to miss.
I also feel torn because there is a Bethany family in Michigan who I have been emailing. We got matched the same day and have followed a close paperwork journey the last several months. Including many of the same frustrating paperwork delays!
I'm so glad that God is in charge of all this and I don't have to decide!
So my head is spinning...
We talked to our kids and they are excitied. This has been such a great journey of faith for them also! We get back tomorrow evening.
Thank you for your prayers!

Getting ready

My sisters and mom gave me a wonderful shower today and am blessed with dear friends! Was fun to get some things for Caleb. Just wish he could hurry home!
With Austin I was anxious for him to come and to find out what he was, to be a mom for the first time. With Naomi I just wanted the pregnancy over, for her to be healthy and my me to be able to eat again. This time my heart aches with longing for this child that is "officially" mine, but still is on the other side of the world. We have "had" Caleb for 6 mos. now and I thought he would be home by now. I know God is reigning and can move mountains. Its just so hard to wait. Our A5 (paperwork from US consulate in China) could be approved any day or it could be a few more weeks. Then our travel approval could be very soon after our A5 or could be 8 weeks. Please pray that it would come quickly and that God would give me supernatural peace as I know I am already beginning to feel stressed with the waiting. Pray for me to be patient and loving with my kids, to enjoy this time with them, to continue to get ready for Caleb and concentrate on schoolwork. Caleb will be 22 mos. on Tuesday. Please pray that we get him before his birthday!!!

When?

I know God is still working and still in control, still on His throne! But it feels like its been quiet lately. The last few weeks I've even felt kind of "distanced" from this whole process. Just trying not to get my hopes up I guess.
The last bit of our paperwork went to China last Friday our SW told us today. She said it could take 3-4 weeks for it to get back to the adoption agency in China. I thought it would only be a couple of weeks. So April may not even be possible now! AGH! He turns 2 on May 1st. Was so sure we would be holding him and would even be home with him before then, now we don't know. My heart is heavy...
But I need to keep focusing on what is in front of me, right now...

forgot to add...

I got distracted talking about SCC and forgot to mention the other amazing thing about the grant. It was dated Jan. 4th, the day Rod's mom passed away, unbelievable! It made me cry. Through that God tells me that He sits on His throne and is in control of every detail. One of the hardest things we have to deal with is that she did not get to meet Caleb, and for God to give us this blessing on the day she went to be with Him...I don't know how Caleb will NOT be able to believe in our awesome God.

Humbled and blessed

We did get our I-800 letter on Friday. Now we are waiting for our "visa letter" which is our government saying they will issue Caleb's visa to get into this country. Please pray with us that it comes by this Thursday as I found out our SW will be out of town all next week. So if it comes Friday or later, it will sit for a week. We REALLY want our papers to get to China BEFORE Chinese New Year on Feb. 3rd.
Our SW also had very good news for us today. We have applied for a couple of grants but had not received any yet. One we applied for is through Show Hope. It is an organization close to my heart as I have loved Steven Curtis Chapman since I was in Jr. High. When they adopted their first daughter, it got me thinking about adoption.
We had the pleasure of seeing him in concert with our kids while we lived in KS. He had his 3 youngest daughters come on stage with him. This was in the Fall before his youngest daughter passed away.
Anyway...I applied for a grant through their adoption organization Show Hope. I did not expect to get a grant as I know they are only awarded to people with greatest needs or the child they are adopting has lots of medical needs. So I was totally shocked and humbles when our SW told me we had received a grant from them. Unbelievable! I am so amazed and have been this whole journey at how God has provided for us in steps, each step of the way. We have "sacrificed" and worked hard at some fundraisers, but God has always provided above and beyond our efforts.
Love Chris Tomlin's new cd, got it for Christmas. Really love the song "I Will Follow" especially in regards to our adoption.
"Where you go, I'll go, where you stay, I'll stay, when you move, I'll move, I will follow. All your ways are good, all your ways are pure. I will trust in You alone. Higher than my sight, high above my life, I will trust in You alone...
How You serve, I'll serve, if this life I lose, I will follow You. Light unto the world, light unto my life, I will live for you alone. You're the one I seek, knowing I shall find, all I need in You alone, in You alone."